Notes From Inside The Closet

Anonymous: Dear Elizabeth, I hate seeing you at school. That's not normally what a girl says to their girlfriend, but it's true. I love being with you and every time that we're alone or around our friends who know about us, it's amazing. But then we get to school and we have to act like we're just friends. And that's a giant lie. I wish that you could be proud to hold my hand in the hallways or kiss me by your locker. But I'll stand by you nonetheless Love, Jess

Anonymous: Open For Questions: Im 16 and Im into guys. But I feel that I should date a girl first, just so I know for certain Im into guys (I think I might be in denial). But when I think about going on a date w/ a girl, I feel like I would be lying to her. I shouldn't date someone unless I'm actually serious about it. And if I do date a girl, should I kiss her even though Im not committed to the relationship? It would probably help in finding out, but I would feel terrible about it. What do you think?

That can be a hard one, don’t feel like you have to find out who you are by testing, if you like guys date guys, if you don’t you will know. don’t be in a rush to have to test out your sexuality, it isn’t fair to make someone a tester girlfriend or boyfriend for just that sole purpose. Date someone you want, who you like, and let the chips fall where they may.

Anonymous: To the teacher who just submitted: Do not feel shame for hiding your identity. It sucks that that's the world that we live in right now, but you have worked hard to get where you are, and you don't deserve to lose it because other people are dumb. You are still a role model in so many respects to your students. They are out because they do not have as much to lose. Love yourself, and know that being in the closet is a reflection on society, not you.

fordizzyblondes: Hey girl I saw what you posted :( I really struck me to see it and I really hope I can help in some way or another. Let me know if u need anything xx

Anonymous: I feel weird calling myself lesbian. I'm an asexual female-presenting person, with homoromantic tendencies. It's either call yourself lesbian, and get judged at more than face value (the good old nympho stereotype) or try to explain yourself to people who don't care to learn about the "other" labels, and get called a "special snowflake." What's a person to do in this situation?

It’s ok to not fit into one or the other, If you don’t want to have to explain your entire feelings don’t settle for a label, ifit sounds alright to you when someone ask just say Love is love, I don’t believe in the labels. Be ok with others not understanding and everything will be alright.

Anonymous: I'm 14 and a lesbian. I have a girlfriend who lives an hour away on the train but my family don't know anything and they'd be horrified with the idea. I can't see her because I don't want my parents to be suspicious. I think it's bugging her though. Urgh

Talk with her, the only way things will get better is if you are both honest with the situation. It isn’t fair to you or her to go on like nothing is wrong if there is, let her know your feelings and be honest about your standing points, you will both feel more at ease if you do.

Anonymous: Um so I label as trans ftm. I am only sexually sttracted to girls but I often can get off when masturbating when thinking of being fucked by a guy BUT I hate having sex with guys, I hate it a lot. I don't understand why I can get off from the thought, but I don't like guys....

Sex is sex, just because the thought of having it turns you on isn’t a bad thing, it’s the act of passion. You know you don’t like the actual deed, that doesn’t make you less of who you are. Don’t let it get you down that your thoughts don’t match your actions, it’s alright.

Anonymous: okay so I fell in love with this girl. last year, and we made out and I remember everything she said and did but she hardly does.. we FaceTime all the time and she always says all these things that make me want her more and more even after she broke my heart.. I'm very passive with her and I don't like it.. I don't know how to let her go.. I cut a lot because of her and I guess she cheated on somebody with me, made out with other girls and fingered one. I need serious help please!

Calm down, it’s alright that you have these feelings, getting over someone is never easy, bu honestly think about yourself, If she cheated on someone with you then that’s already a sign you should think about, if you have moved from girl to girl don’t expect her to just blow away, no amount of small fling will do that. Take a deep breath and learn that it’s ok that you are stuck on her, it’s ok that she drives you crazy, and it’s ok to get over her. Don’t feel a drastic act will make it better, it takes time, and you need to be ok with that. Slowly stop talking to her as much or in the same way, let her know how you feel and that you want closure, Learn to be happy with who you are as a person with out her and you will have helped yourself so much more.

Anonymous: my girlfriend and I have been together for three months. but a few days ago she told me she still loves her ex and she's kind of with her ex. but at the sametime with me. I'm not sure what to do or who to talk to about it because she can't choose only because she doesn't want to hurt anyone..I am really truly in love with her and to make her feel better about everything she has me dating another girl too...what exactly should i do?

Think of what is also right and good for you too. It is tricky for someone to have to choose, but ultimately the choice shouldn’t be hard enough for her not to make. Your relationship isn’t going to get any better if she is going to share her affection to another person. You should open this conversation with her, talk it all out, let her know you love her but you don’t want to share her, she needs to figure out who she wants and if that means you talk it out then it’s the right thing to do.

Anonymous: I was raised religious and married young. I identify secretly as pansexual. Honest? I feel like the only guy I was ever in to was my husband. I want to be with a girl. I want to live life. How do I come out? How do I change my life? I'm scared...

Gaining the courage to come out isn’t just for the young, it can happen at any age, just know that you are not alone in this mass confusion. The only way for it to truly get better is for you to be honest with him. It’s not fair to you or our spouse to hide things, you will feel so much better by letting someone know who you really are and that’s a wonderful thing.

Anonymous: open for questions: im gonna be 18(never had any relationship). i dont want to come out to my parents until i graduate. it will take me more or less 8-10 yrs before i really finish. and i dont want to have any relationship until im out. but i always feel lonely, like somethings missing. any advice??

Take some time to find yourself! Being alone can be hard, it can be really crushing at times, but you won’t feel full in a relationship until you know who you are and what you have to give to the other person. If you go into a relationship lost, then you will stay lost. I think you have a smart idea to stay single until you come out, but is that what is right for you? If you are comfortable by yourself and are seeking more why don’t you go out with people, not exclusive but let them know you are interested, let them know your concerns and maybe they can help you through it.

-G

Anonymous: I want to make a submission to your site about something I'm going through related to coming out. I wanted to do it anon so non of my friends will see it. I'm not ready yet. Is that possible?

Of course it is, If you send us an ask on anon with the contents of your submission we can post it for you. I hope this helps.

-G

I know we’ve never met, ever, but we’ve been talking in your blog a month ago or maybe two and it really means a lot to me. I was impressed that you kept on replying my messages. It was the most intense month for me because I was so scared that maybe you get bored and then thats it I won’t get a reply from you so I was so thankful that you are easy to talk too.

You see, the point is I like you, I really do. I know this is stupid ‘coz we’ve never met and I think will never will, not to mention you are half-way around the globe from me but the thing is I like you a lot. This may sound pathetic but I just felt it. You gave me reason for a very long time to look forward for tomorrow and to be excited about it because I knew there will be a message from you; until I decided to end it. I’m sorry. You might not even notice it because you are so busy with this other chick, it hurts but reality check I have nothing on you and mostly, maybe, you may not even can’t remember that I exist.

I always see the part of me in you, maybe that the reason that I liked you even more. You are like my road not taken or seeing me in the parallel universe. It’s kinda weird and creepy, yes and I am sorry but it doesn’t matter. Maybe thats how being an introvert works.

My parents keep on nagging me about getting married but I could only see myself being with you and honestly it scares the hell out of me. Not only because my family are the most homophobic persons that I’ve ever know but also because there will never be a “we” between the two of us and you are so out of my league. Honestly. I can only imagine myself dating men, being engaged maybe but all I could think of is being with you. Maybe thats the reason why I don’t want to get married and refuses the idea of the whole marriage thing because I knew I can’t be happy with them and so are they. I have a lot of regrets in my life and I don’t want to add more.

This is so complicated and I hate myself about it, because even I can’t understand myself but there is one thing is for sure and I can guarantee you. I really, really like you and I might even love you. It is scary but I can’t help it and seriously I really don’t know what to do. I’m sorry and I felt sorry for myself too because there is nothing I can do about it and that what makes this even more difficult to bare.

I’m so sorry about this, but, just so you know.

I’m no expert in this area, but to me it sounds like you might be gender fluid.

(Sometimes I feel I’d be better off without these lumps on my chest, and that I’d rather be a boy, but I don’t mind having a vagina.)

I don’t know how you should proceed, but maybe you could try binding your breasts when you feel boyish..

I hope you figure it out. Good luck.

Anyone

I’m so tired.  The more tired I get, the more emotional I get.  I have no one to talk to, so I turned to a website.  I feel silly to be honest.  My note from inside the closet?  It’s not a small closet.  It’s a super-size walk-in.  I don’t even know who, or what, I am.  I hate my life.  I want more.  I want less.  I want peace and satisfaction.  I don’t know how to get it.  I’m already alone enough.  No real friends to speak of.  A lot of acquaintances but none that I feel comfortable talking to, or trust.  Saying anything, even if I knew what to say, would alienate the little family I have left. My parents are devoutly religious and would never accept anything close to what I think about myself.  Hell, I don’t know what I think half the time.  I’d run…but I don’t know where to run to.  I hate the thought of being alone.  I am alone.  I don’t do well with “significant others”.  How do I find someone who doesn’t want more than what I’m willing to give?  I wish my mind would STF up….